Ivana Alfonso’s Aussie Story — from a child refugee to a creative mumpreneur

I’ve always believed that every migrant’s journey would be less challenging if we learn from each other. This is why we’ve created Your Aussie Story. Your Aussie Story is a ‘series’ in our website where we feature inspiring stories of immigrants in Australia.

For our very first feature, I’m extremely honoured and proud to introduce you to someone who will share her story from when she came to Australia as a child refugee many years ago, Ivana Alfonso.

A bit about me

I was born in 1988 in a town called Zenica in the former Republic of Yugoslavia. I was one of 3 siblings at the time and we lived in one house divided in 3, living with my grandparents upstairs, auntie and uncle with two cousins next door, and a whole village full of aunties, uncles, cousins, family godparents, friends etc.

It was definitely a community and farm living. We grew our own crops, grew and culled our own meat and lived very rustically. We didn’t have much materialistically but our hearts and souls were full, there was never a shortage of celebration or love within our community. We played outside till after the sun would set and we were very outdoorsy kids. We definitely grew up in a generation where kids should be seen and not heard so even though we were free to be kids, we did have a very old school upbringing where the only western influence we had was watching Michael Jackson or Whitney Houston on TV.

My journey to Australia

^{We actually didn’t really choose to migrate to Australia, we were refugees of the former Yugoslavia, so we were actually ambushed and forced out of our home area and land.}

We left behind all belongings and only took the clothes that was on our back. My father had to serve in the army so I remember there was a short period where it was just my mum, my brother, sister, grandmother and two cousins with us. We first had to go to Croatia then later fleeing to a German refugee centre in the city of Ingelheim. Once settled, we lived in Germany for 5 years before coming to Australia on a refugee visa with my two brothers, sister, mum, and dad. We were very upset as my grandparents were supposed to leave with us but my grandfather got diagnosed with cancer and had to stay behind.

_{^{We all LOVE living in Australia. We felt very safe coming here.}}

We have been here for little over 20 years. It was a very free country where you had a lot of liberty. We were just glad and lucky that we were one of the few families who got accepted to come. We had nothing left back home, our house was in ruins, economically our whole country was destroyed there was nowhere to return to. And Germany wasn’t allowing refugees to stay and live and they were sending back all the refugees after a 5 year period.

It was mixed feelings coming and living here. Even till this day at the age of 33, I have a love hate relationship. It’s also hard because geographically we are so far away from all our family, and due to the war everyone got displaced all over the world. So I feel robbed that I didn’t get to grow into adulthood with all my other family. We only had one auntie here.

It was very difficult adapting with a language none of us knew and the climate, we were not used to, everything was just so different. From the food to the scenery to the people, none of us liked it. But after many years of trying to fit in, I’ve realised that HOME is a feeling and not a PLACE.

My first few years in Australia

The first few years were very very difficult. From language troubles, to being bullied, to trying to fit in, as a kid, it was very difficult. For my parents as adults obviously it was also very tough as they had to try and find work with no language, no car, and no permanent shelter. It was definitely a difficult time for all of us especially us children who didn’t have much moral or emotional support from the local schools. I adapted quickly because I had no choice but had always felt different to all the other kids who grew up here.

Overcoming the challenges

I overcame the challenges by sinking or swimming. So as a child, I just dealt. I put my feelings aside and I had to grow up very QUICKLY. I didn’t have the time or space to dwell. We were all very sick physically when we arrived here and many years from there I had issues with asthma, tonsillitis, and inflammation in my body from always stressing and being unwell. So me coping did come at a price. And also because my family is old school European, there wasn’t much talk about feelings or emotions. Eventually, I learnt to shut the bad stuff out and just thrive.

_{^{I taught myself the language through the TV, magazines, and dictionaries.}}

I learnt one big word a day and I constantly chose to challenge myself on a daily basis. I participated in a lot of sports. We also were very active in the Croatian community here on the Gold Coast so that helped at the time with finding others who felt like me. Even though a lot of the kids had been here since birth, I basically just tried to fit in the best I could and learnt a lot of important life lessons. 

I’m grateful for the challenges because before, I used to think why I had it so hard while other kids had it so easy. Now I thank God for all my lessons because I think why not me and better me than someone else because I feel strong enough now to deal with any challenge that’s thrown at me. Now when things are challenging, I do things like yoga or breathing to deal with past traumas or hardships and just breathe. Remember that you’ve been through worse before.

On doing things differently 

If anything, I couldn’t have made anything different because it wasn’t my choice to come here as I was only a child. Also, it wasn’t a choice to come here, it was a matter of luck where we would end up so you had to just appreciate where you were at and that you had shelter and food. If I could do things differently, I wouldn’t.

^{I do wish obviously that I had been older or an adult when coming here because I feel like as an adult, you’re fully developed and you can drive and get a job etc.}

Whereas for me, I was only 12 so I had to depend on others for everything and so did my parents as they had 0 upon arriving here so it made it very difficult. However, I wouldn’t change anything about my journey as I believe that everything happens for a reason and you just have to try to take the good with the bad. Personally I would love to spend 6 months here and 6 months overseas but working towards that one day at a time.

How Australia changed me

Moving to Australia has changed all our lives as it changes who you become. It has changed my whole trajectory and my son’s also. It has made it more difficult holding onto my traditions and culture, to hold onto the stories. It’s very challenging because when you come to a place like Australia, you have to adapt quickly. In your adaptation, you also lose a bit of your heritage. In saying that, it also makes you appreciate your heritage, your family, and your language vs someone who just gets to grow up in your place of origin. Where you spend majority of your life shapes who you become or don’t become.

For years, I battled with not being fully Australian or fully Croatian but instead Aussie Croatian, if that makes sense (LOL). When you go back to visit your motherland, you don’t fully belong there either because you got the chance to grow up somewhere else. This is something that some of your family and loved ones envy or look at you differently for. It also robbed me the chance of growing up with my family whom I loved dearly. Growing up here cost us a lot but it also brought us a lot of opportunities that we wouldn’t have had otherwise had we stayed or returned to poverty.

So all in all, I think I’m a good person and swing between loving where I’m at and also missing the childhood that I had. I’m working very hard on retaining some of my culture to show my son his roots so that he stays connected to his ancestors.

My advice to new immigrants

Best advice I would say is, have NO expectations. I think having expectations coming to new places makes life tougher as things don’t eventuate like the picture in our heads. Also, take it easy on your children no matter what age. They are just kids and don’t expect it to be easier on them because “oh they are young” and “oh kids learn quicker”. Arriving as a child or teen is just as hard as arriving as an adult if not tougher because you have to rely on others to do everything for you.

_{^{Take it slow, Rome wasn’t built over night.}}

Enjoy where you live. Sometimes when you come from hardship and to a place of so much new opportunity,  you work so hard for so many years that you don’t even enjoy your local beach or other aspects of your new life.

ADAPT, retain, and maintain your culture within your household and your kids but adapt to the Aussie way of life. A lot of the Croatians I know didn’t integrate into their new society and only stayed in their bubble. Others forgot about their culture and surpassed it in order to fit in. I say, find an in-between, a happy balance if you can.

My life now

To conclude

First of all, I would like to acknowledge every foreigner, young and old, who has migrated/ refuged to Australia. Foreigners incur a lot of hardship and have to work ten times harder than everyone. I would just say be kind to yourself, your family, and others. When we arrive in families and units we all each have our own coping mechanisms to get through difficult situations.

Quite often, the kids can take on the role of the parent due to language problems etc. But I hope that this will change in the future. Often in foreign cultures, young kids have to grow up very fast. I would add that me and others are working hard at breaking old pattern and parenting very different with a fusion of new age and old age. Retaining my culture whilst raising a little one is tough as whilst growing up, I battled with my own identity for many years.

Fitting in, finding new friends, jobs etc was no walk in the park. Just be patient with yourself and things will fall into place. Reach out for support and know that tears, homesickness, and all that is all part of the journey. You’re not meant to love every moment, embrace what’s gone and what’s to come.

I’m privileged that I get to share my Aussie story in the hopes that it might inspire or help somebody else in the community. I know how much it would help me when someone would share their story and it soothed me knowing I wasn’t alone in feeling this way. Thank you for giving me the opportunity, don’t hesitate to reach out if you need help kind words or support 🙂

All my love,

Ivana

xxxx

Ivana’s Instagram

Ivana’s business

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Authors: Ivana Alfonso x My Aussie Story

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Disclaimer All content and information in this post is for purposes of sharing my experiences only, does not constitute professional advice and does not establish any kind of professional-client relationship.