How you can help your Filipino Partner when she migrates to Australia | Australian-Filipino Couples

This list is more of like a guide than a set of strict instructions because everyone is different. You would have to apply these suggestions in a way that would best fit your particular circumstances. I also want to acknowledge that you, yourself, will also be adjusting to some new things now that you’ll finally have your special someone with you all the time. So don’t forget to cut yourself some slack too!

Adjusting to living with each other

I’m assuming that your partner would be moving into your place once she migrates here. When she does, ensure that she feels that the house is as much hers as it is yours. Encourage her to make her “marks” around the house by doing things such as displaying pictures of her family or adding furniture and kitchenware that she likes. For the adjustment to be more smooth sailing, it’s very important to communicate with and be considerate of each other.

Before she even arrive it will be nice if you could:

• Make some closet/ cupboard space for her. 
• Ask her if there are house essentials that you can have on hand for her when she arrives. A good example is a rice cooker.
• Remove traces of your ex, if any

A couple of things to discuss when she gets here:

• A list of house chores and who does them.
• How clean and tidy each of you expects the place to be. 
• Financial expenses.

Eventually you would naturally figure out the little things like:

• Should the bathroom door be closed while you do your thing?
• The silly toilet seat issue.
• What shows or movies you’d both like to watch on TV.

If there are kids involved (i.e. you and/or your partner has kids), my personal opinion is that their well being should be the number one priority. You should prepare each of your kids prior to moving in together. Talk to them about what will happen, what to expect, and teach them to treat the new adult in their life (and kids) with respect. BUT at the same time, make sure that they know and feel that they are not being pushed out of their own family nor are being replaced.

Since you and your partner are the adults in this scenario, most of the adjustment should be your responsibility and not the child’s. Be considerate of the children’s feelings as the scars can last a lifetime. Talk to each other about your kids and the best ways to approach them. Don’t favour one kid over the other. There’s so much more that I want to say about this but we’ll leave that for next time.

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Missing their family and friends

Filipinos also have this thing called a Balikbayan box. It’s basically a big care package that we send to our families in the Philippines. It’s contents varies but it commonly has canned goods (Spam), soap, perfume, clothes, shoes, and anything else that we want them to experience or have.

With regards to missing friends, it might be helpful to make new friends here if she wants to. If she’s interested, she could try to meet new people through Filipino and other multicultural groups/ organisations specially through the events that they organise. Some guys also try befriending other Australian Filipino couples even before the partner arrives in AU.

Getting used to your own family and friends

Only confirm your partner’s attendance to social gatherings after you’ve asked her if it’s something that she will be comfortable doing. If it’s a gathering that she’s keen on going to, it will be nice if you could tell her a bit about the people whom she will be meeting there. If there are any cultural differences that you think can create tension, explain those to your partner as well as to your family and friends. Doing so will help avoid misunderstandings between both sides. When attending a social gathering, be sure not to leave your partner by herself, if you can avoid it. This is so she wouldn’t feel too anxious. Keep in mind that it may take some time for her to get comfortable with your people.

Sometimes though, conflict may be unavoidable. If it was born out of cultural misunderstandings, try to be the bridge between two cultures. Issues can also be caused by your family’s disapproval of your partner. If this is the case, you should first try to determine if the basis of why they don’t like her is reasonable or not and then figure out what to do from there. 

Weather

This is another thing that you can’t really do much about. I mean aside from making sure that she will be comfortable at home (air conditioning, insulation etc.) and that she has clothes that are weather appropriate. It would also be really handy for her if she knows what the weather is like here in AU as it is a bit different from that of the Philippines.

Food

This one is an easy fix. A couple of things you can do to help her with her Filipino food cravings:

• Know where the Filipino/ Asian stores are.
• Find out if there are Filipino restaurants around. If there are none, there should still be some Filipinos selling home cooked meals on Facebook.
• Let her eat what she wants to eat. You don’t have to eat it yourself.
• Be a bit more tolerating of “stinky food” (ex. dried fish, shrimp paste etc.). Again, you don’t have to eat it. The “smell” should eventually go away.
• Don’t mock her food nor the way she eats (sometimes using her bare hands) just because it’s unusual to you.
• Give Filipino food a go. Filipinos usually are good cooks. Ask your partner to make you some Adobo, Filipino style barbecue, Sisig, Kaldereta, spring rolls and other Pinoy dishes.

Culture shock

These are actually just fun(ny) new experiences so you don’t necessarily have to do much about them. I guess your role would be to explain to her the things that she’s curious of or those that confuse her. Sometimes her questions might seem silly to you but please be mindful of the way you answer her. And lastly, if you can install a bidet, that’d be greatly appreciated. Filipinos prefer washing with soap and water after doing their toilet business instead of just using toilet paper. 

Having to depend for almost everything

The key is to help your Filipina partner achieve independence and to slowly build her confidence.

Some of the main things you can assist her with are:

• Getting a driver’s license – Teach her how to drive and help her finish her logbook hours as soon as possible. 
• Fitting in – Show her the way of life here. You can also have her read our articles here on My Aussie Story as that’s what we’re all about.
• Jobs- Help her find employment.
• Better jobs- Encourage her to up skill. A good way to start this are the government funded Certificate IIIs

This is a process that will take time so while she is still mostly dependent on you, make sure that she doesn’t feel like she’s a burden to you. If there’s something that she needs help with but you’re busy, explain nicely and schedule to do it some other time when you’re free.

Limited employment opportunities

There are also things that she can do to change her situation. Depending on the university degree that she’s finished or her profession back in the Philippines, it is possible to work towards having those recognised here. If not though, she can always study again and work her way up.

Discrimination

If by any chance, your partner gets discriminated, just get them out of the situation, listen to her, give her comfort and just be there for her. Personally, I wouldn’t really want my husband to stand up for me and cause a fight. I’d rather us just walk away because it’s nothing but a waste of time. It’s not like we can change the person’s opinion anyway.

Effects on mental health

To be clear, I am not a medical professional who deals with people’s emotions. But as someone who has had to face this sort of thing, being listened to and to actually be heard is already such a big thing. There shouldn’t be any expectations of you fixing the problem but it would be appreciated if you’re there to hold her hand as she battles her inner demons. Just ask what she needs or if there is anything you can do for her. There are also a lot of help available out there such as Beyond Blue and Lifeline. Seek professional help, if needed. 

Conclusion

Well, there you have it. As I have said in the first part of this post, don’t hesitate to send us a message through our social media pages, contact form, and in the comments section below if there is anything at all I can help you with or even to just say hi.

P.S. The information and advice in this post as well as in the first part may also be applicable to other interracial couples as well.

Disclaimer All content and information in this post is for purposes of sharing my experiences only, does not constitute professional advice and does not establish any kind of professional-client relationship.

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