If this was a fairy tale, I would say that as soon as you’re united with your Filipino partner, wife, or significant other, then it would be a case of an “and they lived happily ever after”. But that’s not really how it works. Although to finally be united with the person whom you’ve loved and committed to is the end goal of probably every long distance relationships, the new situation would inevitably pose new challenges that you would both have to address as partners.
As I have said many times before, moving to a different country is never an easy decision to make nor is it easy to do and live through. If you’re thinking of ways to make things a bit easier for your partner, the first step that I would suggest is to know and understand what he or she might go through. I have made a list of these below based on what I have personally experienced as well as from what I’ve heard from other people who are also in an Australian Filipina relationship. I will publish a part 2 soon wherein I’ll give suggestions as to how you can support the love of your life as she goes through the process.
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Adjusting to living with each other
Living with someone is a different experience compared to when you were just dating specially if you were in a long distance relationship. You will be seeing them in a new light. This is more of a ‘you and her’ adjustment because the two of you will be sharing a space together. You will both discover each other’s quirks and habits that can get under your skin. The snoring is a very good example of that as it can quickly turn from being really cute to super annoying you can’t sleep.
There may be little arguments about the tidiness of the place, toilet seat, which shows to watch, what to eat, who does what, and so on. You will now also be making joint decisions on your finances. Now if there are kids involved, then they would also be affected by your partner (and her kids, if any) moving in.
Missing their family and friends
This has been the most difficult part for me and it will most likely be the case for your partner too. It’s hard to be separated from your family and the fact that you can’t just easily be with them anymore like you used to makes it so much worse. Your partner may also be a little lonely most specially during certain occasions like birthdays and Christmases because most of her loved ones are not around her to celebrate these special days with.
Another major one is when a family member gets sick or maybe there was an earthquake, or a typhoon hit the area where your partner’s family live, of course your partner would be worried. But what would really make her crazy is the fact that there’s nothing much she can do being that she’s not there and is so far away.
Getting used to your own family and friends
The first few times that your partner would meet your own family and friends can be a little awkward. Both sides will have a bit of difficulty understanding each other due to the accent or words being used. There may also be some misunderstandings and disagreements that are born out of cultural differences. An example of this is when someone innocently says something a certain way and the person on the receiving end takes it badly because of the way it was said. Your partner may also be confronted with issues with your family and friends if they don’t approve of your relationship because of things like the age gap between you two. Though this is an extreme, I have known couples who have even lost friends or family members along the way.
Weather
On a lighter note, Australia’s weather is something that has personally taken me some time to get used to. Do keep in mind that Australia is a very big country and the weather varies. I used to live in a regional town in Queensland called Rockhampton and I personally thought that it was a bit too hot and muggy there most of the time. And although it does get hot in the Philippines, I don’t remember it being as hot for as long there as it did in Rockhampton. It’s a ‘hot’ that I have never experienced prior to coming here. Australian winter is quite cold for what Filipinos are used to but there’s a good chance that your partner would enjoy it because it seems that we, Filipinos, enjoy the cooler weather (hence the popularity of Tagaytay and Baguio). But yeah, the extreme temperatures is something to kind of prepare your partner for. As well as the fact that December (Christmas time) is one of the hottest months of the year here in Australia.
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Food
Your partner will miss a lot of Filipino food fairly quickly, even the ones that she didn’t eat regularly. You should also expect rice as a regular part of at least the dinners. Filipinos eat rice with almost everything for every meal. Even KFC and Maccas sell fried chicken with rice in the Philippines. She will most likely miss fast food places like Jollibee, Mang Inasal, Sr. Pedro etc. too. I know I do and writing this is making me crave even more.
Culture shock
Off the top of my head, the little ‘culture shock moments’ your partner will have are:
- There are no bidets in toilets.
- Everything is so expensive.
- Can’t just easily see medical specialists.
- There aren’t much people just hanging about around the neighbourhood.
- Shopping centres close too early.
If you want to know more about your Filipina partner’s cultural traits that may have an effect on your relationship, you might want to check out my detailed post about understanding your partner’s culture.
Having to depend for almost everything
When your Filipino partner migrates to Australia, she will most likely be highly dependent on you during the initial stages. She may not be able to work right away due to visa restrictions or the difficulty in finding employment so she would have to depend on you for money. She would also need to rely on you to get around town. This is less of a problem I guess if you live near the main cities because she can easily access public transportation. In the regional areas however, it would be easier to drive around. And getting a driver’s license is a bit difficult and takes time. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with relying on your partner but not being able to do things independently can make a person feel weak, powerless, and trapped.
Limited employment opportunities
Unfortunately, a tertiary degree from a university in the Philippines isn’t automatically recognised here in Australia. Also, Australian companies look for someone with Australian work experiences when filling a vacancy. So even if your partner had been a teacher in the Philippines for 10 years, that doesn’t mean that she could easily get a teaching job here.
This is why a lot of us end up having to settle for jobs in a different field and those that we are over qualified for because these are the jobs that we can get. They are usually physically demanding too. And because your partner is an immigrant, she is vulnerable to being taken advantage of by employers i.e. wage theft.
Discrimination
As you very well know, Australia is a multicultural nation but there would still be a few instances wherein your partner will experience some form of discrimination. She may be talked down to or judged by others not only because of her race but also based on the common misconceptions about Australian Filipino couples. From what I’ve observed, it doesn’t happen that often though so don’t worry too much about it.
Effects on mental health
I’m not saying that it will happen but your partner’s mental health may be affected by all of the pressure and stress that she will experience as a result of all of the challenges listed above. She may feel insecure, overwhelmed, anxious, or depressed. Not to mention that she’s so far from her usual support system, so ‘snapping out of it’ is easier said than done.
Conclusion
Now for a little disclaimer, it’s not going to be all bad, actually it’ll be great. I only wrote about the challenges so that you can better prepare yourselves and handle the situation with a bit more ease. Remember, after the long wait, you lovebirds will finally be together! Know that despite everything, love is definitely worth it!
If there is anything I can help you or your Filipino partner with, don’t hesitate to reach out through our social media pages, contact form, and in the comments section below.
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Disclaimer All content and information in this post is for purposes of sharing my experiences only, does not constitute professional advice and does not establish any kind of professional-client relationship.
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How you can help your Filipino Partner when she migrates to Australia | Australian-Filipino Couples - My Aussie Story · August 10, 2023 at 9:00 am
[…] our previous article, we’ve discussed the things that your Filipino partner might go through when she migrates to Australia. Now that you have an idea as to what to expect, the next step is […]